Author Topic: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]  (Read 4264 times)

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« on: April 20, 2013, 02:37:49 AM »
You make the ammo for them and use them to wipe out an entire mother fucking town of Zombies.
And by Lemons of course i mean Crossbow traps.

And thus begins the story of Crossbow-Master McBloodthirst.

CM awoke in the Shelter, as most bloodthirsty survivors do, and walked outside.

Soon he came across and obscenely lucky sight: A trap cluster!

Which was protecting two crack pipes and a cheap lighter.

For some reason.

Personally I blame the local wildlife, stealing all the drugs.

        B                              @      GET BACK HERE WITH MY COKE YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!
CM then, being adept at the mechanics behind these machines, decided to disarm a crossbow trap away from the shooty end.

Amazing I know.

CM, being the preemptive thinker that he was, decided to make many bolts from the local flora.

The local fauna, are of course grateful of this.

CM then went down the road, starting to get the munchies, and shot his way through a nearby houses window.

He searched the house top to bottom, finding many tasty snacks but nothing to keep them in.

Slightly disappointed in his lack of a swag-bag, CM wandered over to a nearby radio-tower.

It was there  that he found his first Zombie.

This zombie was promptly decimated with the speed and brutality of the spetsnaz.

"Oh, and whats that on the horizon?" said CM to the red pulp that was once humanoid.

"Why its your friends I think!"

CM, not finding the idea of walking up to each zombie individually, decided to break into a few houses and find something noisy.

And low and behold, CM found a rather powerful handgun.

Not wanting to be too surrounded, he decided to unload and entire clip of .38 special into the air in the middle of a street, instead of
the intersection.

And soon, zombie came in droves.

A fine red paste can still be found for those of you still looking for this amazing site.

Soon it got dark, and sleep came to our little psychopath's eyes, tired after killing what felt like an entire suburb.

CM smashed into someones house, stole their cigars, and lit one up like a pimp as he wandered home.

The following days were like this, get up, brutalize the once humans, steal someone's lunch, get tired, and go home.

But unfortunately for CM, there were only so many zombies in the town.

"It sure was fun while it lasted" thought CM "But im sure there are more zombies around here somewhere!"

Then a thought popped into Little CM's head,

"I know, ill make a motorcycle with blades on the front and trunks on it for all my fat lootz!"

And thus, CM got on with the construction of he likes to call "Mass Transit"

CM soon rode off into the sunset on his now bike, an obscene amount of booze in the trunks for the road.

After killing over 350 zombies, over the course of 3 days, with only a crossbow.

« Last Edit: April 20, 2013, 03:08:03 AM by detahramet »
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2013, 03:06:22 AM »
Sorry, unintentionally posted the page before it was finished.
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123

Offline Newbunkle

  • Zombie Food
  • *
  • Posts: 33
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2013, 02:42:57 PM »
A fine love story between a man and his crossbow. It brought a tear to my eye.

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2013, 05:25:04 PM »
UPDATE!

CM has moved to a new town, on his bike of death.

He found a tent earlier, and set up camp just outside of town.

Amongst the red pulp, he found a mother fucking v6 engine, and used to to replace the engine that his Mass Transit used to have, the lawn mower engine.

Alas, whilst scouting out the town, there are no gas station.

Just like the town he already wiped out.

Fuck.
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123

Offline Williham

  • Contributor
  • Survivor
  • ****
  • Posts: 255
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2013, 05:37:54 PM »
It's worth noting at this juncture that hardware stores occasionally have a gas pump out back.

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2013, 05:44:59 PM »
Thank you Williest of Hams!

UPDATE:

CM has just left this new town, somewhat bored, as there is very little left for him to do in it.
There was only a couple of jackhammers in one of the hardware, which he used to fuel the Mass Transit.
Leaving town, this is his kill count:
(click to show/hide)
This is what he is leaving on:
(click to show/hide)
And this is his stats:
(click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 20, 2013, 06:34:54 PM by detahramet »
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123

Offline kastor246

  • NPC
  • **
  • Posts: 114
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2013, 07:16:30 PM »
Thank you Williest of Hams!

UPDATE:

CM has just left this new town, somewhat bored, as there is very little left for him to do in it.
There was only a couple of jackhammers in one of the hardware, which he used to fuel the Mass Transit.
Leaving town, this is his kill count:
(click to show/hide)
This is what he is leaving on:
(click to show/hide)
And this is his stats:
(click to show/hide)
Woah what are you wearing on your mouth that makes it so encumbored and hot?

Offline Williham

  • Contributor
  • Survivor
  • ****
  • Posts: 255
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2013, 07:17:47 PM »
Woah what are you wearing on your mouth that makes it so encumbored and hot?

I'm guessing gas mask + scarf?

Offline kastor246

  • NPC
  • **
  • Posts: 114
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2013, 07:29:22 PM »
Woah what are you wearing on your mouth that makes it so encumbored and hot?

I'm guessing gas mask + scarf?
Wow overkill much? XD

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2013, 07:58:22 PM »
(click to show/hide)
This.

All the other shit is in Mass Transit.

Did i mention i picked the chain-smoker trait?

Probably forgot to mention that
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123

Offline detahramet

  • Survivor
  • ***
  • Posts: 677
  • Fuck you AND your gun.
    • View Profile
Re: When life gives you lemons... [STORY TIME!]
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2013, 05:25:58 PM »
And thus, the Little Psychopath that could, met his fate by underestating the blast radious of C4 whilst in a pack of zombies.
"I've never heard of even the most inexperienced boy scout accidentally immolating themselves through misuse of flint and steel."
-MarkB

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I'VE BEEN SIGGED YET DAMN IT - FunsizedNinja123